Over the past two decades, I’ve raised over a billion dollars for non-profits as an auctioneer on stages worldwide. Each night, I engage with audiences of hundreds, if not thousands in a negotiation of bids and counterbids to sell designated lots.  

As a charity auctioneer, I’m not selling Picassos or Monets. Rather, I’m on stage late at night at charity galas, trying to convince two bidders to battle it out for something they may not necessarily need—like a vacation house in Mexico— despite the chance they already have vacation homes elsewhere. How I treat both of my bidders in a heated negotiation in a very public forum will dictate how much they bid and ultimately how much they give on future items.

Over the years, I have perfected a few strategies to employ when the bidding gets heated, but I still want everyone to feel like a winner. One of my favorite, most successful negotiation techniques is simple: always befriend your underbidder. 

In auctioneering as in negotiation, it’s easy to assume that the only person you need to focus on is the one who will give you what you want. But, a smart negotiator knows it’s equally crucial to make every person in the room feel important even if they don’t come out on top. In auctioneering, if there is no underbidder there is no bidding war, and a winning bidder will walk away spending a lot less. As the auctioneer, I stay laser-focused on befriending the underbidder throughout the auction so they feel celebrated, validated, and ready to come back for more.

The same can be said about any negotiation. There will be times when you walk into a room and everything falls into place effortlessly. But there will also be times when you walk into a room and immediately know that you aren’t selling what the person needs, or the negotiation will not work out.

That is when befriending your underbidder comes into play. Instead of trying to fit a round peg into a square hole, shift your strategy. Focus on creating a rapport with the person so they walk out feeling good about the outcome regardless of whether or not it went their way. Remember, life is long. People change jobs, and budgets come and go, but if people walk out of a negotiation feeling like they made a connection, they will still be your first call.  

I worked as the head of partnerships for a company for over two decades. Many negotiations ended because the person across the table didn’t have the budget to make the partnership work. But I quickly learned that if I used the same tactic I did onstage and befriended the underbidder, I would often get a call when the person left their job or secured the budget necessary to make the deal happen. In many cases, the person remembered our initial negotiation and returned when they had something that fit. A “no” today does not mean a “no” in six months.  

Finally, never underestimate the importance of a sense of humor when a deal doesn’t work out. I have ended many negotiations with a smile and promise to check back in three months to see if things have changed or if the CEO has approved the budget you need to make it work.  

I’ll end the meeting by saying “ . . . and then I’ll check back in six months to see if you are the CEO.”