We all have challenges. Chances are, one of those hurdles is big enough that it’s holding you back. Maybe it’s something you try to hide. Maybe it’s something that you’re hiding from yourself. 

Chris Ruden, author of The Art of Changing Course, thought his challenge was physical. Born with only two fingers on his left hand and a left arm shorter than his right, he would keep his hand in his pocket or inside a glove, afraid to reveal his physical disability. Later, he got a prosthetic arm. 

Ruden’s real problem, however, was something he struggled to own. It wasn’t just that he had a physical disability and feared others would be put off by his hand and reject him. His real problem was a fear of being judged.

“I hated my disability,” says Ruden, a type-1 diabetic and record-holding powerlifter. “Until I started being more public with what I was struggling with, showing my hand to myself and to the world, I was a carbon copy of what I thought society wanted me to be.”

The Role of Vulnerability 

Most people have one core problem that, if solved, will fix 99% of what’s going wrong in their life, says Ruden. The key is being vulnerable. “It’s easy to be vulnerable,” he says. “What’s hard is overcoming the false ideas we tell ourselves that come with vulnerability.” 

Society has attached weakness to vulnerability and authenticity. Strength is found in independence. If you can’t suck it up and keep going, you’re not good enough, he says. 

“That ideology keeps a lot of people stuck, which in turn, makes people see vulnerability—the most genuine thing you could do—as a perceived weakness,” says Ruden. “That is, in no way, true.”

Instead, vulnerability should be considered a tool that helps you become as authentic as possible so you can make more honest decisions. The first person you should be vulnerable with is yourself.

“Most of us are not completely honest with ourselves,” says Ruden. “We use language in a way that detracts us from [taking] the honest first step.”

For example, you may tell yourself, I’m just lazy, but Ruden says that’s not true. “You have been lazy in the past,” he says. “You’ve may have a history of habitual laziness, but that’s not who you are; it’s what you did. We attach identity to habit, but you can always change your habits.”

Making Your Problem Public

Before you can solve anything, you need to understand it and discover its root cause. What are the specific issues causing the problem? Why is it a problem that needs solving? Where does the problem come up? Who is involved? How long has the problem been happening? What are underlying factors that contribute to it? 

“It starts with radical honesty,” says Ruden. “Keep asking yourself, Why? Don’t dress it up or story tell. That’s the awareness piece. I had built an identity of hiding, and it wasn’t until I brought it from subconscious to conscious, that I made it public to myself.”

Next, go from conscious to communicated. Write down the awareness of your problem first for yourself. Then, find someone you love and communicate that to them. This step makes your problems public by bringing in an accountability partner. If you want, you can go from communicated to broadcasting, such as posting your problem on social media, telling a small cohort of people, or writing a blog post.

“When you go more public with it, you hold yourself accountable to committing to the action that you need to change—the real behavior, thought, or situation that you don’t like,” says Ruden. “Hold yourself accountable to doing the actions needed on a daily basis. Commit to getting 1% better, one degree different, moving closer and closer to the goal or beliefs or habits that you want.”

Ruden started showing his hand to people he trusted, gradually going more public with it. Finally, he made a video and posted it on YouTube, taking off his glove. “I woke up to millions of views on YouTube,” he says. “It ended up resulting in a call from Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson to be on his Titan Games TV show. So much cool stuff happened because I chose to make it public, not in a messy way, saying ‘Look at me and my trauma.’ I chose to say, ‘Hey, this is this is me, authentically unguarded. This is what I’ve been struggling with. I want to work on this. I’m making it public so I can hold myself accountable and sustain change.’”

Why Public is Powerful

You can’t fix what you’re not willing to face and make public, says Ruden. “The likelihood of accomplishing a goal goes from 10% if you just have a goal to 95% if you have an accountability partner and make it public to them,” he says. 

Once you broadcast your problem, Ruden recommends engaging in the behavior that helps you become the ideal version of yourself. Choose your decisions based on what your ideal self would do in this situation. Hold yourself to a higher regard, knowing that you’ve made your problem public. 

“Show the solution in public too,” he says. “You’re being the best version of yourself on a minute-by-minute basis, consulting your best self and saying, ‘What would you do in this situation?’” 

The risk of keeping your problems bottled up is stagnation, says Ruden. “You won’t have to experience the struggle, discomfort, and pain that comes from changing; but when you are in purgatory, life is not as good as you want it to be,” he says. “There’s no progress with maintaining familiarity. Humans need progress, growth, and connection. If you’re not even connected to yourself, how can you connect to everyone around you?”

Fast Company

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